Death.

I am running out of amazingly, stupendous blog post ideas, therefore, this post will be a jumble and mix of my garbled thoughts. I hope my mass amount of slightly uncommon and brainy words don't mess up your ship-shape minds. I would feel gravely if I did so.

After that quite odd, but neat introduction, I shall tell you of a thought that keeps racing through my mind, always pushing ahead of the other "unworthy" thoughts. Death. Do we feel death, when it comes upon us? If we are shot, would we feel the pain or plainly wake up in Heaven, with angels looking down upon us? If we were stabbed, would we feel the cold of the blade? What does it feel like to be strangled or hanged? These unnerving questions engrave themselves into my brain, causing them to jump at me during the most unwanted times. I try not to arouse them, because I hate unwanted questions frolicking across my empty expanse of mind. I cannot help myself though. I search desperately for answers, but I know that no one can give them. No one knows.....

After such a disconcerting paragraph, I feel exceptionally hunky-dory. My informal ticker feels blithesome. (I may have used that word wrong, but it seemed fit for the situation.)

In the recent month, music has been....everything to me. My mind and heart has been engulfed in the melodies and lyrics of wonderful artists. Different lyrics and tunes ease my internal, emotional pain in many ways and basically fill me with jubilant jollity. I've been listening to a small number of songs recently, but those few songs have added to my comfort and cheer. Those songs are:

Zero by Hawk Nelson

Already Over by RED

How to Save a Life by The Fray

Apologize by OneRepublic

It's Not Over by Chris Daughtry

I guess all of these sort of relate to recent happenings in my life.....it's painful for me to talk of these "things" but I talking of them is the only thing that can help my through the turmoils of life. Since Abby passed away, I've listened to these songs for specific reasons, all relating to the same topic. I'll elucidate at this time.

Zero, I would rather not bring to light, I'd prefer if you would just listen to that one on your own.

Already Over is by RED. RED was one of her favorite bands and the song is the only one I have of the artist....

How to Save a Life....well, it says....."Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend, somewhere along in the bitterness and I would have stayed up with you all night had I known how to save a life"...I expect that they can explain how I feel....

Apologize...well, that's a tougher one to talk about. See, I feel, for me at least, that it's too late too apologize for some things I may have said that could have hurt her....

And It's Not Over.....the title states the meaning of this song....it's just....yeah....I don't really have anymore words to use to describe.....

Now, my heart is overwhelmed with grief as I think about these things. I am listening to these songs as my fingers type this. My heart cries out....for a friend, for....you know, I don't really know what my heart is crying out for.....I pray continually about it, as the Bible states I should....but....I still feel a gaping hole in my heart....the pain that I'm feeling is like no other. At times all I can do is cry. At times the pain hits me like a wall of brick....because both obviously hurt immensely.....I just don't.....understand.....why she had to leave......

I know as I go through this pain that God will always be by my side....helping me through the thick and thin. The tough things of life......

Angela